Financial Thoughts

Places to Hide Cash At Home: Clever or Stupid?

Metal Lock

It’s not as crazy as it sounds to be thinking about clever places to hide money at home. And we are not talking about secretly hiding thousands of dollars.

The amount of money is just a few hundred dollars that might help you out of a tight spot in the case of an emergency, and for some reason, you cannot access an ATM. There are so many clever places to hide money, and under your mattress is not one of them.

Smart Perps

Thieves are getting as smart and creative as you, so your ‘special’ hiding place may not be as special as you think. There’s a story about a really clever pickpocket who would teach his students how to pick pockets at train and bus stations.

If they wanted to know who was carrying money and on which part of their person, they would stick a sign “Beware of Pickpockets” in a certain area of the station. Passengers, on seeing this alert, would automatically feel for their purses or wallets when they read the sign. Bingo! The pickpockets could zero in on these victims. Here’s when you’d need to have a well trained poker face.

Types of Thieves

To simplify matters about hiding places, there are only two types of thieves.
1 The professional and mastermind of burglary. After a lifetime of practicing his skills in surveillance and burglaries, he restricts himself to 4 or 5 jobs a year and will carry out surveillance on about 20 prime homes. It’s pretty hard to beat this guy.
2 This second type is worse than the first. He destroys by trashing or burning and will leave the home as if it had been hit by a tornado. You are not going to feel all that clever if your house has been burnt down along with the $100,000 cash you had hidden in a hollowed-out beam!

Try These for Ideas

This level of awareness by thieves also applies to your home. If a burglar is in a hurry, they will trash almost everything looking for money and valuables, regardless of how clever you were in creating a hiding place. Here are a few ideas you can consider, but remember, your hiding places are only as good as your imagination. The main thing to remember… is to remember where you hid the money if you don’t access it for a while.

1. Replicas

These are always good places to hide money. Some objects that seem to have no value but may have a secret compartment, or a false bottom. Items like a cereal box, an old, unused, broken TV, or perhaps an old computer monitor. This is a good hiding place, as long as you remember not to throw out any of the items as rubbish or junk.

  • Clever Rating – 6

2. Buried Outside

This is, in fact, probably one of the best locations. Regardless of what type of thief you get, they are not going to go digging up your yard to try and find your cash and other valuables. The burglar has trashed your house and taken everything that is not tied down – but not the hermetically sealed container you have in the backyard. A fire has burnt your house down. Everything is gone, except for the cash and valuables you have buried in your yard.

  • Clever Rating – 10

3. Safes

The effectiveness of using a safe depends entirely on the size and installation. A small safe that might be bolted inside your wardrobe is a bit like asking the burglar to destroy the wardrobe and remove the whole safe unit for later safe-breaking.

  • Clever Rating – 5

If you use this safe as a trap to encourage the burglar to rip it out and make off with it, but the safe contains next to nothing, and you have your cash and valuables an alternate location, your idea qualifies for a higher clever rating.

  • Clever Rating – 8

If the safe you have installed is large, bolted to the concrete floor, is fireproof and connected to your alarm system, you are on a winner. There are not too many professional safecrackers of the caliber you see in the movies. However, if your house looks like something out of a Hollywood movie, be prepared to meet a real pro, or at least see some of his best work – an empty safe.

  • Clever Rating – 10

4. Pet Places

You own a German Shepherd. He sleeps in a kennel. Put your cash in a plastic Ziploc bag and stash it under the doghouse. The thief can throw the dog a T-bone laced with tranquiliser. Or, he can borrow the neighbor’s cat. If the dog is chained to the kennel, it will take off after the cat, doghouse in tow, and your stash will be beautifully exposed to a very smart, brave, burglar.

  • Clever Rating – 7

If you have a showpiece fish tank filled with Discus, Arowana, Datnoids and Cichlids, coral pieces and fancy pump housings, then seal a few hundred dollars into a plastic bag and drop it in amongst the pebbles and plants at the bottom. It’s a very observant crook that will spot that.

  • Clever Rating – 8

There is an obvious way to bring this to a higher Clever Rating. Make the fish you keep a species of Piranha and your money is forever safe.

  • Clever Rating – 10

Taping money to the bottom of the cat litter tray is another good idea. It would not be a place where a thief would look if he had run out of options in other areas of the house. Be careful when emptying and washing the tray. Should the cat wise up to the amount of money you have hidden under its toilet, it might wait until you are out for the day, grab the money, invite the German Shepherd, and have a wild day out paid for by your secret stash.:)

  • Clever Rating – 7

5. Medicinal Hiding

Roll up a few hundred dollar bills tightly, and push them into an empty Aspirin bottle. This gets a high rating because if you are suffering from a headache and reach for the bottle holding the $100 bills, the mere sight of finding money you forgot all about will relieve that headache faster than any pill on the market.

  • Clever Rating – 9

Your decision on the best hiding places for your money will depend on how big a threat is present and the value of your valuables.

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